Erica

Time, effort,care-
Why dont you ever share?
It's not that hard to do.
You just got to make it true.
Is their something wrong with me in your eyes?
Am I really the one you despise?
This is just a childish game,
and it really puts you to shame!!

MY BLOOD SCREAMS FOR HELP. MY SKIN BEGS FOR IT. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN. IM SUCH A FAILURE. WHY DO I DO THE THINGS I DO JUST BECAUSE IM UPSET, SAD OR MAD. I KNOW IM NOT PERFECT. I KNOW IM ONLY HUMAN BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE AND IDIOT. MY HEART RACES WITH ANTICIPATION, AND WITH RAGE. WHEN WILL THESE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS GO AWAY? WHEN WILL I FEEL LIKE THE GIRL I USE TO BE? HAPPY, SHIPPER, ON MY TOES, AND LIVING ON TOP OF THE WORL WITHOUT A CARE. WHEN WILL MY SOUL STOP SCREAMING!? WHEN CAN I FEEL AT PEACE WITH MYSLEF!? GOD I BEG OF YOU HELP ME TO CONTROL THIS URGE AND TO STOP DOING WHAT IM DOING. I KNOW I CAN STOP IT BECAUSE IVE DONE IT BEFORE SO GOD I ASK YOU TO PLEASE HELP ME TO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. HELP ME MY SOUL CRIES OUT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

its been a while since ive wrote so i decided to write. alot of things has happened since the last time i wrote. alot of emotions go through my head ha yea me people may not think i have trouble dealing with my issues because im this happy and hyper type girl; thats not always true i just do that to hide it. i cant stand this stuff anymore i just dont want to deal with it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats all i got to say i wish i could get away from the world sometimes but thats kinda hard to do around here so i guess ill just have to deal with it. i just feel like gjdhgkshdbgsudbgksdbg right now BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!! ne ways im gonna go

I WILL NOT MOVE TO FLORDIA JUST BECAUSE JOEL NEED A JOB DOWN THERE AND MY MOM WANTS TO GO TO!!! I WILL FIND A WAY TO STAY HERE AND LIVE HERE BY MYSELF!!! IT WILL BE HARD BUT I'LL DO IT I DONT CARE HOW HARD ITS GOING TO BE I WILL DO IT. IM NOT SURE IF ITS GOING TO REALLY HAPPEN BUT I NEED TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR IT. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AND BOOHOOHOO

yep its finally happened andrew is off to boston. its really hard but i know it'll be ok God is with us. im tlaking to jen jen right now which is good because its keeping my mind off of things.
andrew when you read this i really love you with all of my heart and i am so glad that you are in my life. i dont know what i would do without you. i feel like i have found my other half. i love you hunny!!!!!!!
jen when you read this you are an awesome friend. the best in the world. you mean the world to me and i also dont know what i could do without you. id go insane, lol. i love you girl!!!!!

The mind is running like crazy. Thouhts go through it that arent pleasant. Will this ever go away? Can my mind let me rest in peace not in worry? God I need your help. I cant do this all by myself. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME!? AM I ALL ALONE!? Help me deal with these things wearing me down. My father, Andrew going off to college. The fear of feeling loely becasue i wont have anyone to talk to when andrew is gone. Lord I beg of you help me get through this I need you help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM VERY SAD RIGHT NOW BECASUE ANDREW LEAVES IN EXCATALLY 1 WEEK AND ITS NOT COOL. IT GETS REALLY HARD NOW WHEN HE LEAVES BECAUSE I KNOW THE TIME IS COMING SOON. I THINK THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE HARDER THAN LAST YEAR BECASUE I AM ALOT CLOSER TO HIM NOW THEN I WAS THEN. YEP ITS BEEN 1 FULL YEAR FRIDAY SINCE WEVE BEEN TOGETHER. MAN DID THIS YEAR FLY BYE LIKE CANDY IN A KIDS HAND. I DONT WANT MY BABY TO GO. TIMES GET LONELY WITHOUT ANDREW AND WHEN HES AWAY I WONT BE ABLE TO HAVE A SOMEONE TO JUST HOLD AND CERASS ME WHEN I NEED IT MOST. I WONT HAVE HIM IN THOSE TIMES OF TROUBLE( HE HAS HELPED ME OUT THROUGH SO MUCH. MAN THIS SUX ALOT IT TRUELY DOES. I FEEL LIKE CRYING AND I KNOW I AM GOING TO END UP DOING IT IN AWHILE. AND ALTHOUGH HES GOING TO BE BACK EVERY FEW WEEKS ITS STILL GOING TO BE HARD. I FEEL AS IF ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IT MOVING AWAY FOR WEEKS AT A TIME. AND WHEN ANDREW COMES FOR THE SHOWS ON WEEKENDS I KNOW I STILL WONT GET OT SEE HIMM MUCH BECASUE HE WILL BE TO BUSY. OH WELL SAY LA V (SUCH AS LIFE) OH WELL IT'LL WORK OUT I KNOW GOD WILL GET ME THROUGH THIS I JUST NEED TO TRUST HIM AND I DO

life can be so short, we should live it to the fullest. so many people take life for advantage. their is people out their killing themselves when others are long for a longer live becasue they know they are going to die soon because of cancer or a disease. its not far to those who cant live life long and want to where as these people who kill themselves when they are perfectly healthy. the people dying could have that life but it doesnt happen like that. i just heard that an old friend(boyfriend) killed himself not to long ago bye over dosing. people dont let your friends do things like this if you know your friend is struggeling HELP THEM!!! dont just sit around and not do anyhting about it. if i were talking to chris i would of helped him if i knew he was hurting but i didnt know because i didnt talk to him in along time due to him going off to the military. so the next time you know of someone hurting inside help them, get them help or just be a shoulder for them to cry on because its advious taht chris didnt have one. take care of your friends and charish them
in memory of chris

It is about two weeks til Andrew goes of to college in Boston. DUDE THATS JUST NOT COOL! But hey waht can you do he's gotta get his schooling done. I know that no matter what that God will be with me but its still really hard knowing the one you love the most is going away for a long amount of time. I know its gotta to be done but its still really hard. I shouldnt elt it get ot me much because it'll all work out

ANDREW I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART. I DONT KNOW WHT ID DO WITHOUT YOU. YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. YOU HAVE HELPED ME OUT WITH SO MUCH JUNK AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU HUNNY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.KEEP CLOSE TO GOD